aug 21 in post adolescence

 
yes people, i got my master degree and it's a ma with merit.
i was really working hard, studying hard and playing hard throughout this year.

 
 
finally!!!  this is the moment
in the capital of sicily, i am done with my dissertation 

ok people i think i have to update you guys a bit
i am now finished the 1 draft of my finding and going to start my conclusion which is the last chapter
as you guys can see, i am already in the minus 1 day situation which is not what i wanted to happen
i supposed to finished conclusion by yesterday
but well, the good thing is it is not the real deadline otherwise...
theoretically speaking i still have a couple of week but i will  be away the coming sunday for 1 month
plus one of the distribution companies wants to read my dissertation before i hand in
just in case i didnt mulipulate the truth
and i promise that i will send it to them by thursday
which is to say...i have less than 48 hours to finish another 3000 word chapter!!!
for your information, usually we have a 3500 word essay or report for 1 unit which i usually spend 1 week to write it
well, this is what i ask for isnt it?
when i quit my job, when i send my application, when i step into the uni i knew this day will come...soon
now, i am really looking forward to have a nice sleep, looking forward to have call back, looking forward to...
well, its better to be realistic a bit now
back to my work

i thought i made up my mind when i bought my return ticket.
i will leave like i always do, act like i dont mind if we wont see each other again.
but i was wrong.
i didnt feel confident about my choice when i looked at the ticket.
its like i already chose the strawberry tart but still think about cheese cake,
wondering which one tastes better, the one in my plate or the one in others plate
long before i came here, i decided to come back home after the course finishes.
i didnt have any fantasy of living in the foreign place.
for me, i just want to fulfill my dream and come back to the reality carry on my life.
neither to get that piece of paper which will possibility help me to find a job easier nor to improve my english are my dream.
my dream is to search for an answer for my question. even if i cant find the answer, i want to find the way to help me to get my answer.
well, its more like a sense of complement.
so i really appreciate my family fully understand that there is a different for me to do so in my 25 or 52.
thats why i think i need to go home when i achieve my goal.
i need to go back to reality and carry on what every human being needs to do: work.
but i never think about the possibility to work in london.
i felt weird when i found out that i wasnt 100% confidnet about my decision.
isnt that the way it should be? i kept asking myself.
life is easier in my place and i dont need to be a semi prisoner.
i know how to make my life easier, where i should go to run away from the reality and where do face it.
as far as i can remember, my parents almost never ask me to accept their choice, the choice that parents always think its better than yours.
so i am always the center of my university. i do whatever i wanted to then i will ask them to help me physically and financially .
i am not saying i am spoiled or my parents dont care about me.
on the contrary , they really respect my choice for my life
sometimes i feel bad for them to have a lazy child like me.
they could be a happy couple without me without all the sacrifices they made for the family.
therefore, the main reason i want to go home is because i realized that its the time i should do something for my family.
but how? i dont know, what can i do? i dont know.
the other reason is this master course really took a lot of money (their money).
i know i cant make that much money even if i was in tw but my whatever i wanted to do behavior has more or less put my family in the position that they have to defense for me.
there is still a part of me aware that being an eldest child i have to take my responsibility.
if my parents can give up their dreams for the family, maybe i shouldnt only think about myself but also my sis and bro who also have their dreams.
however, when i told my friend here that i decided to go home a lot of them (actually all of them) told me that i should stay.
they said, you want to work in the music or film industry plus you like them so much, where would you go apart from london?
but i told myself, there are still things i can do in tw and besides there is no job guarantee here either. i might be more competitive if i go back to tw.
then eventually, i found out this is only a self defense mechanism, like after i took the strawberry tart i kept persuading myself that cheese cake would make me fat.
at this moment, the key player showed up again and of course he made it again.
so i squeezed sometime to talk to my mom a night before i went to scotland (and i wasnt packing yet).
what surprised me is when my mom said "i was wondering why you want to go home imminently, you have done your study there, why not give yourself a try?"
right, mom why dont you tell me earlier...
then i told her my concern about family responsibility and she surprised me again
"how much money you think you can earn if you come back?"
.....truth always hurts
but she jumped into the next part quickly and said she appreciated that i thought about the family.
i think my mom watched too much crap tv shows cuz and then she said
"you are still young, no family not even boyfriend, why do you want to come back so quickly? you wont have a chance like this anymore".
the truth hurts me again but also i saw the sunshine from the clouds.
finally, i can get rid of the could upon me: i am the person who run away.
at that time, i thought leaving is better than staying.
to let others say goodbye to me is easier than see them off.
but the truth is even if i leave i will leave with sorrow and I will regret
i have no job offer, no place to stay and even my dissertation is not finish yet.
maybe after few months i will be home because there is absolutely hopeless for me but at least i didnt give up myself first.
and besides, thats what home is , i can come back anytime and they will always be there and support me no matter what i choose.
 
my dearest family you are always my priority
thank you

how did i put myself in this situation???
less than 20 days left and at least 3 parties to go >"<
there are still 2 chapters need to be done which need to be 10000 words
too much fun too less time
i want to have my dissertation done but at the same time i want to have a life
and a job and a life
is that too much to ask for???
after 10 happy days in scotland this is the consequence T_T
pictures are already uploaded click me to see
btw, i decided to stay
its not a long story but i will tell you guys when i see you all in oct!!!
please pray for me no matter what god you believe in
thank you

以數字上來說 我的中場 應該是在6月 而不是現在
不過以進度上來說  我上個星期五 剛寫完論文的first half
introduction, literature review and methodology
剩下還有data analysis and conclusion 要寫
第一個部份 有八千多字  總數最少的一萬八  我怎麼覺得自己不像是在寫論文 像是在討價還價
其實我的interview都做完了 在各方人馬的幫助之下
但是還是很想再多一個industrial pov 偏偏之前答應我的人 現在說他很忙
啊~~~幫幫我這可憐的學生吧
最煩的就是接下來要一邊聽錄音一邊整理
interview到現在 我其實已經發現一些有趣的現象
但是不知道該怎麼說 這就是我的結論嗎
這樣真的對film marketing 有幫助嗎
我真的能夠給他們什麼新的東西嗎
啊 我不知道
我想我跟我的論文的蜜月期剛剛過了
就在我很煩惱研究方法的時候  熱情減退 剩下的只是責任
但是 在我寫完 寄給supervisor的時候 瞬間我整個releave
之後 我跟同學去看蝙蝠人 之後又跑去海邊野餐 我還走進海水裡 今年夏天第一次
然後還很意外的遇到同學的爸媽 XD
小小的事情 我卻很開心 從心裡的笑出來
之前我好掙扎 要走要留 雖然我來之前就決定要走
但是 在慢慢適應這邊的生活之後 我....開始猶豫
甚至不希望 論文寫完  最好時間就這樣停止 我既不用選擇 也不用面對現實
不過 我都幾歲了 還在這樣下去
於是 我不只選擇 而且 去面對這之後的結果
在這半場休息的時候 8月1號 我要去蘇格蘭十天
感受愛丁堡藝術節 希望可以排到軍樂表演的票
我要好好把握剩下的日子 問我自己想不想做

那惱人的文獻探討 終於我上個星期寫出了3800多字
這個周末 我要想辦法湊到 5000字左右
至少要達到5000字該有的水準 由於這個過程實在太痛苦
我一定要好好寫
插曲 在這個時候發生了
昨天晚上 我又寄了信給幾家電影公司
雖然八大片商 大概也寄了幾個 但是想也知道 不會有什麼反應
不過 今天早上 我還是收到兩封信
一個小姐說 他要去度假兩個星期 21號會回來 叫我之後再跟他連絡
另外一位老兄 說 感謝你的回覆 公司現在有缺助理
寄了一份108頁的劇本給我 還有一份劇本的commend
叫我寫一份report按照那樣的格式 盡快寄給他看
他滿意了 再跟我談
一般正常人的反應 應該都是 "他搞錯了吧"
但不知道為什麼 我第一時間 沒有跟他求證
反而很認真的在想說 難道是要給我的試煉不成???
為此 本人還煩惱相當久 要怎麼寫完剩下的1000多字 又讀完他的劇本
最重要的是 我覺得我要盡快回覆他
過了幾個小時 我覺得我懂了 他搞錯了 但是我其實不知道該怎麼開口
加上 我問一些人的意見 他們都說 這實在是太好的機會 根本是天上掉下來的 要把握啊
我也知道啊 但是比起這個 更重要的是 我應該要誠實的跟他說 你們搞錯了
但我心裡也小小的擔心 那萬一這樣他就拒絕我的訪問 怎麼辦
加上 我也覺得 這好像是一個好機會
在天平的兩邊 論文 跟 莫名奇妙的機會   想要試試看 跟 英文到底行不行 一直在搖擺
我真的是個很驢的人 這麼簡單的事情 讓我變的很複雜
太在乎的事 反而放不下   旁觀者清 當局者迷  我就是這樣瞎了眼 還貢獻了那寶貴的一滴淚
下個星期一 我要去倫敦訪問一個片商 呼 希望一切都會順利
在那之後 就是消費者的訪問了 10個 !!!
成就 這算是成就嗎 當我完成了論文之後 以前我很確定 那就是會讓我自己驕傲的成就
現在???

今早按到原訂計畫到了圖書館 開始對我嚴重落後的論文趕進度
約莫2點 下午 要去健身房的auke經過 寒喧過一陣子之後 他瞄到我桌上放了一本 the secret of word of mouth
於是 一切就這麼開始.........
大概半個小時 他不斷的在說服我 talk to the people in the industry
他說 你都已經研究了觀眾對於wom會有什麼反應了 那下一步不就是要討論 身為marketer 能怎麼運用
我說 但是 我現在是研究觀眾的perception  觀眾的反應會不會隨著不同的消息來源以及本身的觀影習慣有所改變
industry的觀點 我要插在哪 (心裡在想  只能放在introduction不然就是for further research)
他說 即使在論文上面應用不大 你可以對於電影行銷的市場有更多的了解不好嗎 
難道你不想知道一個對於這個領域了解很多的人 告訴你他的想法嗎
這是一個好機會 你可以遇見你那些在電影上的soulmate

我也很訝異自己怎麼可以懶成這樣  不過事實就是如此
變成各位數的期限  我的動作還是慢
加上 歐洲盃開踢 無疑對我而言 是雪上加霜 衝勁都交給西班牙了
目前的進度是 研究目標確定
* to explore respondent perceptions of the role of word of mouth in online environment.
* to explore respondent attitudes toward the different type of online marketing communication sources.
* to gain an in-depth understanding of whether some source of marketing communications are more turstworthy than others.
* to understand respondent views on the influence of E-word of mouth in the decision to see a movie at cinema.
我寫英文的重點不是因為我翻不出來 (雖然是原因之一) 而是想要順便說明
這就是我要寫的英文啊!!!
不能說他們是道貌岸然  但就硬是要把東西解釋的很複雜就對了
另外 研究方法也確定從問卷 改成 深度訪談了
呼 找呼 找齊10個符合條件的人 變成另一項ongoing的工作
實在是對我英文的一大挑戰
 
看我的指導教授下次見面的時間是6/30  在那之前我要把5000字的文獻探討寫完
中間還卡了 歐洲盃 sigur ros radiohead
對我來說 還真是不可能的任務
雖然已經動手開始寫了一點  但真是不容易
下筆前 覺得要再多讀一點  唸的時候又覺得 不趕快記下來不行
萬事起頭難啊
最後要感謝影帝 给我很大的鼓勵  去拜訪貢丸的時候 不會忘記你的 哈哈

經過一番的折騰
i think i have something for my dissertation
雖然這只是目前第一版的大綱 
說起這大綱的來源
是個有點晴天霹靂的故事
半夜兩點 我在找參考資料  就讓我看到一篇文章
研究opinion seeking and cinema attendance
點進去看abstract  心涼了一大截
整個就是我要做的研究啊!!!!!!!!
專業的影評 以及 非專業網友的評論 對於電影票房的影響
整個很絕望的快速掃瞄一下
這兩個法國人做的研究 跟我最大不一樣的地方 是在於研究方法(而已...)
跟我最相近的地方 當然除了opinion leader意見領袖這個概念之外 還有 social network
當下真的很難過  想也沒想這麼多
就發了一封信給我的指導教授
跟他說 我很沮喪 但是一方面 這篇文章 也給我ㄧ個要怎麼組織我論文的概念
隔天他回了信  鼓勵我說 這是一個好消息啊!!!
要我仔細看看 下次見面的時候 我們可以討論相同 跟 不同之處
經過這件事的陣痛 就像我每次要做什麼大計畫一樣之前的難產
前天 我把所有的論文都癱在房間地上  一篇一篇標上記號
是industrial report or  academic paper
主題是什麼  可以用的點是什麼 諸如此類的
然後 以下是一個地雷 如果你有看 be kind rewind (推薦!!!) 的話 
如同他們的剪接方式  我的架構雛形 就這麼出現了
一鼓作氣(真難得) 化成文字的前半段大綱 就像是

今天是跟我的supervisor第一次meeting
暑期課程的時候 他有跟我們做過簡報  所以這並不是第一次見面
當時他就有種讓人 如沐春風的感覺   當我知道他是我的supervisor 頓時覺得放心許多
我們從自我介紹開始聊起
我說喜歡足球  從02年世界盃小卡撲下對愛爾蘭的PK那一刻起
他說他是愛爾蘭人  對他來說 那是很痛苦的時刻
對了 我的supervisor叫做 John Oliver
學校網站竟然有他個人小檔案
雖然沒有辦法跟帥哥教授比  oliver是另一種紳士的感覺
大約一個小時的meeting  在他不斷問問題之下 我的題目跟研究目標(aims) 終於明朗了一些
To explore/investigate the movie marketing strategy in online media
所以 我的研究是從marketer的立場出發  重點在於strategy
what kind of marketing activity is the most influential in terms of making people actually going to the theater and buying DVDs.
本來我決定不想討論advertising
but i found it's too difficult to exclude it, i mean how to define what is advertising and what is not.
overall, this meeting leads to two main points:
first, i'd focus on "online" marketing activities so that means advertising, PR, promotion, RM and so on.
second, it aims to investigate how influential  that marketing activities are  not how consumers make  their decision.
ok 以上這一段 我完全無法翻成中文 
oliver也給我一些作業  要我在下星期見面之前 summarize  the current trend in movie industry especially in marketing aspects and consumer profile
同時他也開給我一些可以查資料的網站   實在是相當的helpful
最重要的是 他能夠了解 i am here because i have no answer for my question
i am here to find out the answer, if i knew it i wont be here
他說他不期待我一切都沒問題    有問題才是好的開始
尤其當你覺得讀journal 到很困惑的時候  那就表示你找對方向了
恩 相當合作愉快的開始

已經不用去上課了  要開始好好進行我的論文
目前的working title是
an exploration of digital media in film distribution--movie marketing alongside digital media
要怎麼翻譯呢 我也很苦惱
數位媒體應用於電影行銷之探索  這種不三不四的翻譯吧
現階段已經有了 很大概的proposal
我的重點是 
在不使用廣告的前提下  電影還能用什麼樣的方式來行銷
著重在數位媒體上的應用  主要會是網路吧我想
電影發行 主要面對三個問題  how many, when and which
how many screen to open, when to release day and date,  which media to put advertising
第三個面向 才是我要討論的
我要問的問題是 
影評或是 網友寫的評論 會對消費者的行為產生什麼樣的改變  到底媒體的影響力到什麼樣的程度
當然 網路能做的不只是word of mouth (這我真不知道中文是什麼)
還有trailer 預告片 這我也會討論
再來 我希望可以找到 真正在做電影發行的人 願意讓我訪問
告訴我他們現在怎麼做 
讓我的研究不要太脫節  也增加可信度
所以 我的研究 不是在於 消費者行為 而是 數位媒體行銷電影的潛力!!!
天啊 光寫這一小段 就覺得好難  從沒想到會需要翻譯這的一天
詳細的大綱 我改天整理好 會在po上來的 真的
這篇的重點是 
感謝 美麗 阿金 還有 各位長期的支持 收看
沒有定期更新   注入有意義的內容 是本人的責任
現在不用上課了  剛好也好準備寫論文
我看大概要讀100本書 或是 期刊吧 至少
(平常3500字讀20-25本 20000字 應該100本跑不掉)
所以 我決定 每個星期我都會放上一篇文章
一面記錄 我這星期看的文章的摘要  (盡量寫中文)
一面提醒我自己 不要落後行程
也該是時候讓這部落格增加一點深度了!!!
在此之前  先分享兩個我近日的新歡
我心中的丹麥王子 跟 阿根廷金城武   兩個人都是魔荳 而且都是因為gucci的廣告 讓我離不開眼
其實都紅了好一陣子 只是我最近才開發到