aug 21 in post adolescence

i haven't been to Europe for about 6 months and i moved back home for more than 1 year.

this time the workshop really makes me feel like back to MAMC again. i feel nervous, exciting and enlightening.  

most importantly, i feel like i can do something. i am or i can be smart.

i still remember i told myself that i will be really respect me if i get the MA degree. which i got it but compares to what i am facing now the dissertation and program seem very minor, way much minor.

some of the people in the workshop i can match them with those i already knew. just like playing the same story with different actors.

share the experiences with those who have the same. everything that i used to be familiar with comes back again.

but what i really enjoyed is being independent again. i can be a nobody who cares no one again. 

this is the idea that sets me free 3 years ago and it works this time also.

really, at that moment it just emerged in my mind " i like Europe. i want to stay here." i may not fit in but definitely suitable for staying in Europe.

no doubt, i did find my missing part there. 

so despite i met the new people, been to the new places, discussed the new topics, i actually felt the likeliness out of freshness. 

i think maybe i spent by far my best time in Europe.

it's not just becuz of the city or the people, it's me who make it different. my personality. 

just like old days, museum, gallery, cooking, cleaning, encountering random drunken guys in the street.

i am happy becuz i was the one i like, the one i want to be. 

i just dont know how long it will last this time...