aug 21 in post adolescence

seriously you guys are helpless! 

i can accept the fact that you have no creativity, zero market insight, don't know the true meaning of your so call service. fine, it's a sad fact but okay we can work together to see how can we fix it. 

what i can not stand anymore is your narrow minded attitude, keeping not only your ear but also your brain closed. the only thing that functions well is your mouth which never stop delivering your ignorant thoughts. oh, let me rephrase that those were just words cuz you barely use your brain!!!

if you listen careful to what you were just saying, you'll see you are against yourself.

you know a well established brand sells itself then why can't you understand this is what we are trying to do right now?

what makes you think people will buy something from someone they don't know exactly what they are doing? especially that something costs at least 200,000 NTD.

if you can tell me that spending 28 NTD on each direct mailing is way too expensive for you, then why don't you find another cost efficiency approach that tackles your customers more efficiently?

how do you persuade yourself to believe that the cheap printing materials we have right now matches the self-claimed market leader who only provide prestige product?  i feel shame that i had a chance to correct it but i didn't take it.

if you still don't get it by now, it's the SERVICE we provide that differentiates from the competitors then i guess maybe you should quite. becuz our business model is based on the value added services not product.

i don't want to just say no to you and leave you with no alternatives. my job is to find out a solution or solutions with you. but if you are still being conservative, lazy and short sight, seriously i am no harry potter i have no wand i can't make it happen by saying the spell.

this should not be an issue of take it or leave it.

it's pathetic when people lose their motivation of learning. somehow i feel the reluctant of change can be trace back to one's willingness of learning. in the end, maybe one sees no need to change despite the market never stop changing. 

this is not some tag line from an ads campaign. it's about how one sees him or herself. 

i believe in the very beginning there's no genre, no category, no type, no division, no segment, no model. everything is the way it is.

no need to define it.

then we try to group them. we think we are smart enough to find the common characters in a mass. we think we can re produce the desirable result. we think...then we don't think anymore. we follow.

we draw a line and we are happy to stay in the line because we can't go wrong. because we think, that's how it should be.

so the time goes by, we see the groups, definitions, pattens. we don't see the nature of an object anymore.  

this is sad, we narrow down the achievement and opportunity within a certain area. in other word, even if we are "success", we are only successful in a limited area.

this might sound tacky and cheesy but i think maybe i know why some told us to think big, think out side the box.  if only we can realize there's no spoon then we can fly the elevator. 

this is a lesson i learn from those colleagues who still think they work for a trading house that only buy and sell products, having zero marketing initiative because following supplier's strategy is what a distributer should do. 

我要對那個曾經對我說過 25歲之後 人生會開始產生巨大變化的人 說一聲 你好神

我的人生 每一天 都是讓我無法預期的一天 從那之後

可是 不是每一天 都是值得期待的一天

過一天算一天 可是 不是踏實的一天

我缺乏一種 確認感

這是對的嗎 還是錯的 這樣好嗎 常理是怎麼做呢 我的直覺是什麼 我的感覺是什麼 可行嗎

每一次 我聽不到自己的答案

該用什麼樣的面目 面對同事 什麼樣的面目 面對工作上接觸的人 什麼樣的面貌 面對老闆 還有 老闆的老闆

我該放低姿態 還是 我該強硬一點

我要積極主動 我要迅速確實 我要有禮貌 我要聰明 我還要使命必達

有時候忙 有時候是茫 整體來說 好累

認真想自從工作以來 應該有至少70%的時間 叫做累  忙大概只有50% 的時間吧

一半的時間 我要應付少數讓我很忙的任務 只剩下一半的時間給大多數的事情

結果當然是做不完 加班是治標不治本

晚上加班 周末加班 難的得休假也在看信箱

我是欠了公司一堆沒準時做完的事 那欠我的人 怎麼說呢

對 我就是缺乏改變環境動力 欠缺解決問題能力的七年級生

我只想安安穩穩 用自己的方式歷險 探索 無論客觀的自我存不存在 我用我的方式 體驗 實踐我的生活

有那麼一瞬間 這個念頭穿過我 辭職也不過如此 永遠有人比我適合

尤其是現在 我不愛的驚喜

最近想要寫新的文章很久

看完了新的書 新的電影 新的表演 甚至有新一層的體會 可是沒有想到 我竟然先寫了這一件事

巨大的挫折感

在不只一篇文章上看過 沒有失敗 不能面對失敗的人 是不能成功的

在我的人生規劃中 “成功“ 從來不是一個關鍵字

於是我總是用這樣的態度 盡力就好 我對的起自己 也對的起別人

能夠對於周遭的人事物有所感觸 體會這個環境 這才是讓我快樂的事

工作中的成就感 認真來說 不是真的快樂

那是一種征服的成就感 伴隨而生的優越感 說服與毀滅他人意志的勝利

即使如此 我還是需要他

其實這份工作 已經做了快要一年了 認真的算一下 完成的project ...可數

可是一天9小時以上的工作 沒有少過

也許 有人會認為 這又是一個七年級生的抱怨

我只是想要說 那我投入的時間和精神 都化成甚麼了

 化成  挫折感

我不聰明 不突出 不優秀 但是 我也活了二十多年

但是好多次 讓我覺得 我是一個無能的人 我找不到一個過去相關的任何經驗

更慘的是 我連直覺能力都喪失 (或者是離譜的可笑的直覺)

我在一本書上看到 事物的本身都沒有意義 而是跟人產生互動之後 才有意義

艱澀的定義 不明的定位 可預期的定律 我變成一個曖昧的角色

對我的十個以上的老闆負責

所以 我應該最好都知道該怎麼作 因為問了問題 不一定有答案

有了答案 也不見得是最後的答案 

有的時候 我覺得 自己像是魁儡 just do as what you've been told 這樣就好 當疑留的那塊空白 想要去補足時 

往來的確認 確認 再確認 消耗的是你的創意 不是刺激

有時候 我又是個傳聲筒 沒有任何決定的權力 因為那不是你的責任 可是沒有達成就是你的問題 所有的達成只是應當

當付出不被認可的時後

當初錯箭頭指向你 可是明明沒有決定權的時後

當老闆告訴你時間很趕 可是明明七早八早開始準備時 沒有回應的人是他的時後

當兩方有爭執 你只是當中莫名二百五的炮灰的時後

當他掛電話 不聽你解釋的時候

當他們意有所指你怎麼連這些常識都沒有的時後

我真的會懷疑 我是不是 走錯地方了 是不是錯估自己了 是不是不應該把自己推出那個小框框

那一個 在安全範圍中尋找快樂的小框框 

如果說現在有人在我的咖啡裡加了特別的醬料

在路邊有人推我一把

故意在我身邊講話很大聲 卻對我使用第三人稱

我一點都不感覺奇怪

就像有人可以是剛愎自用的混蛋 有人就會是無知盲從者

我多希望 我能夠跟你分享 這每一件事情背後理性的原因 可是我失敗了

我多希望 可以多點人打開耳朵 放開你的心 這樣至少 我們 你跟我 我們可以找到一個皆大歡喜的解答

你不須要念很多書 也不須要精通四國語言 或是一秒幾十萬上下

只需要基本的邏輯辨証就知道 這些要求是多可笑

如果你可以稍微踏出你的安全範圍 這個世界 沒有這麼危險

如果你可以稍微思考自己的價值 那你就不會有這樣的憂慮

如果 我可以試著理解 有些人就是 喜歡活在框架之中 

那我不會有這樣的挫折

"i am busy" thats the terms we use to state our status the most often. and we are always out of time, catching up our schedule.

people read papers while waiting for the bus, in the bus or even on the road as if we use our time "wisely". people have their headphone set while waiting for the bus, in the bus and even walk on the street as if thats the trendy cosmopolitan should do. 

if the romantic metaphor is right about how desperate a person want to fly oversea just to be with "the one". then it's totally the opposite when it comes to a mon-fri morning. we want to be anywhere but the place we are heading to. 

we dont want to see the street that reminds us we are on the way to the office. we are not interested in involving any conversation because everyone is so deadly.

we get on the bus, we get out the bus. we are like products, shopped from A to B. And as long as people are wiling to pay, even our freedom can be sold.

in our mind, there's a better place. it is the desire of going to that place drives us to the office. 

but somehow sometimes i wonder the real final destination our single minded paranoid behavior lead us to. 
 
   

i guess i am like most of the kids change future plans every once in a while.

can't really remember what's the first occupation i put in the" i want to be____ in the future" but i know teacher was never one of my options.

i wanted to be a/n actress, corespondent, athlete, flight attendant, interpreter, free lance writer covers traveling issue, band tour manager, film buyer something like that. okay, right now i suppose you found (at least) one thing in common among above jobs: non of those is a 9-5 job.

but looking at myself now, even though technical speaking it's not a 9-5 job still i am in the category already based on my own definition.

when i was young, i dont like suit guys.  i think they are square, doll and programed, they dont have characters as an individual human being.  but now, i kind of think it differently. kind of.

great sunny and warm winter day, it actually reminds me the spring time in london. the time i was about to leave.

looking at the sun shines on the buildings, i can't help but imagining me lying in the park, bathing under the sun. Or maybe having a mojito in Camden is always a pleasure. i think i taste lime now!      

it's so close yet so far away.        

suffered from age discrimination before, i try my best not to have bias against age. 

but this time, you mid age rude baster, i despise you.

experienced so call senior managers are merely people who good at what they've been going. 

settling in the comfort zone and climbing up. polishing the skills but hardly keep on learning.

your laziness and incompetent are the evident of your arrogant.

compliment composed with poor quality words is  an easy way to prettify your rudeness and irresponsibility.

no wonder you are loser cuz you have no vision.

i am too naive to assume that most people are motivated to make their performance better which i am wrong.

without any willing to change, i am just a person who bring them extra works. and he really say so in front of my face.

it's my first major defeat and humiliation caused by the people i despise.

i will never be like you, never!