aug 21 in post adolescence

it's a form for entertainment, a place to be isolated, an excuse of not answering phone. it could be anything for every of us.

it's part of me, it's cinema.

a dvd can remind you the story, the cinematography, the editing and so on but never the impact.

the magic is not on the screen or in the film (although to a certain extent the film itself has to be attractive), it is in the dark room. 

as if the darkness provides us the best cover to hide our faces so we can unleash whatever lays in our sprites, release all the undressed emotions.

children hater like me still cant help but crying for the broken friendship between Gonzalo and Pedro in Machuca.

also i cried twice when watching Devdas although so much i despise love suicide scene.

then i fall into sleep in the middle of Russian ark. i clap several times during The rocky horror picture show because it's brilliant.

when i saw Heath Ledger holding Jack Gyllengall's shirt in the very end of Brokeback mountain, i felt regret and heartbreaking from his tears.

For a moment, i can forget what i've been told to follow, forget all the bs in my life and live another person's life where the answer is always obvious, light is much more beautiful and music is so original.

then i take the sense of contain as well as lost, i move on despite i know i will be wounded again. the dark room is my shutter.

however, the magic walks away from me. i still believe in it but i can rarely feel it. i wonder where am i in my road movie? 

and i think i know why i dont feel the magic anymore. 

i used to live the same pace as film but now i am fast forwarding my life. i dont see the detail, all the elements which exist to build up emotions. 

the boy still gets on his bike when the time code shows 1:38:27 but this time i am being left.